Quotable Quotes from the last week of school

So here it is, as promised. The best quotes from the week, or how we kept ourselves entertained with our wit:

Sending two PoliceWOMEN to come talk to us probably wasn’t the best idea. The microphone was a bit too low for one of them, so she said, “Let me just fix this mike up so I don’t have to bend over as much.”
She looked up at us, realising what she just said to 200+ teenage males.
“Did I just say that?” She said rhetorically as we started sniggering.
“I hope so!” someone shouts from the back of the hall.

Gerry asked the Health Education speaker if you can reuse a condom.

Cus asked the police, “Can I get into trouble if I run a beer bong from one apartment down to another?”

“Will there be sniffer dogs down there?” someone asked the police.
“Yep,” they replied.
“Shit.”

“Is there a fear of terrorism at schoolies this year?”
Probably a valid point, but it was funny at the time.

Brydon asked “Can you be charged for public nudity?” A question Lewie found out the answer to when he mooned out the back of Parry’s jeep at Schoolies.

“What happens if you have sex in the sea?” someone asked the cops. The cops didn’t have an answer, but someone else shouted out, “You get crabs!”

Mr Colins stating the obvious when he said, “Now, you’re probably going to have a few drinks down at schoolies.”

Filling out this stupid “personal power and motivation” workbook called The Tools of Life. I started by writing down all the tools I could think of, starting with the dickhead who wrote this book.

We had to write down some success quotes, so I wrote “Success is my only motherfucking option, failure’s not.” – Eminem.

How can I build personal power?
I Must... Not kick/ban tards/lam3rs.

A definition of communication is:
net send * (message)
Using ur “F” keys effectively whilst in a game of Battlefield.

A section called “Artists vs Technicians” was changed to “Ninjas vs Pirates”; a must more interesting debate.

By the 6th page, Julz had started drawing vague phallus shapes on my book.

You start to lift your ATTIDUE[sic] and SELF IMAGE when…
I circled the spelling mistake, and put “when you can spell properly.”

More penis-like images on page 8, which I had proceeded to artistically transform into dolphins and cannons.

So you can...
   Go where you want to go... Inferno
   Do what you want to do... ya mum
   Be what you want to be... the 1337357
   Have what you want to have! Sex.

There are three types of people in the world:
Those that: play RPG
Those that: play FPS
Those that: play RTS

GOALS give you:
flatulence
Headaches
Bad ping
AIDS
Lag

A GOAL is..
Defuse the bomb
Rescue the hostages
Capture the flag

It's not where you START RESPAWN
It's where you FINISH PLANT THE BOMB.

We filled in a RACQ Free-2-Go form for Chris Barber, that illusive student who very nearly became our school captain. (If you don’t get this, ask any Churchie 2004 Senior about it).

Guest speakers were always a laugh, especially the rugby player. Taking things they say out of context: “Yeah I’ve played against Rubin Wicky. He’s a very, very, hard man.”
Also, I couldn’t tell if he was being serious when he said, “I’m not standing up here thinking I’m better than you guys ‘cause I’ve played 250 games for the Broncos.”
Just quoting that number seemed like a thinly veiled attempt at bragging. But, all the jocks were happy. By the end, the formula for every question they asked was “What do you think about (insert player name here)?”. I wanted to ask “What do you think about Johhnie Howard/George Bush/The War in Iraq?” But Weldon overheard me mentioning this to Johnsee, and told us not to. He probably thought it would be disrespectful to ask a question that made him look stupid.

The lady that came in to talk to us about donating organs told us, “Donating organs is a lot different to any other cause you donate to. There’s no door-to-door organ donations for one thing.” Just built a funny mental image of organ doorknocking.

Mr Caskey told us there was 3 ways we could get away without paying our HECS fees after uni:
“1. Never earn more than $30 000.
  2. Go overseas and never return.
  3. Die.”
He says he wouldn’t recommend the third one. Personally, all 3 seem pretty unattractive.

And always the classic: applauding everyone for speaking. Mr Colins said, “You don’t have to clap me.”
So of course, this was followed by more applause. We’re such a clap-happy grade. (*thinks back to fond memories of clapping Mrs Dean offstage at assembly*)