Film teachers are fucking weird

So I’m into the second semester of my Bachelor of Film and Screen Media. Doing an arts degree, it was an accepted fact that a few of my lecturers would be a bit odd, but nothing prepared me for what I encountered in Film Production.

My Film Production teacher is weird. He is obsessed with film. Not films as in movies, but film as in the stuff that comes in a canister.

To start the lesson off, he gave us all a strip of film about 20 frames long each, and then he proceeded to vent his sexual frustrations on the piece of film he held in his hand...

“Smell it! I love that smell. It’s better than cocaine this shit. This stuff’s a bit old; fresh out of the canister is the best.”

“Run your finger along the perforations. Perfectly manufactured. Isn’t it amazing?”

“Now press it against your top lip! Feel the sticky side… That’s how you tell you’ve got it the right way. See how it sticks to my lip. See that?”

“Then lay it down softly on the darkroom table and make sweet, sweet love to it.”

Okay, he didn’t say that last one, but by that stage I would’ve just accepted it. It’s going to be an interesting semester.